save your herd

This hotdog is warm on my back, Rachel!

“

—	Katie Chubknocker Hooker

Someone’s been going through my parent’s basement.

Katie: What are you doing in here?!
Me: Um. Cleaning, listening to Britney Spears, and petting my rat. . .
Katie: . . . Those things don't make any sense together. Here, take this money.
 Close door in Katie's face. End Scene.

Compression pants, yo.

I’m about 3 minutes from taking a selfie of my butt to see how sweaty my crack looks in these pants.

Me: I'm trying to eat when I'm not actually hungry. You know, not eating just because I'm bored.

Dad: Hey! Don't break the Irons tradition!"

Young, single and doin' weird things.

Laura: I peed in that alley. I peed, Molly stood guard, and Katie was in charge of getting chicken nuggets. When she came back she had like, 7 boxes of nuggets. 
Abby: Oh! This is where you guys dropped me off that one time, and then I waited for a cab for like, 20 minutes and I cried a little bit...
Abby: Aren't you guys glad we don't have kids?

kateoplis: “You know that uneasy feeling you get every time you suddenly remember... »

kateoplis:

“You know that uneasy feeling you get every time you suddenly remember that nothing really matters, that every second of pain and suffering you struggle through each day—and even those all-too-rare moments of feeling something like, if not joy, not complete and utter hopelessness—ultimately means…

Having tumors must be tiring.

Having kids is like being the manager of a really nice restaurant, but where none of the staff is trained… or is even trainable.

“

—	Jennifer Reeder